Valentine's Day, Every Day

            Tomorrow the world celebrates Valentine’s Day, a day which has over the years become a celebration of love, and, more specifically, of romantic love.  Now this poses something of a dilemma for the pastor, because we in the church have a long history of both celebrating love, and yet at the same time, trying to hold it at a distrustful distance. And yet, I take heart from a framed letter I found squirrelled away in a church closet here.

Here is the identification on the bottom of the frame: “The Famous Love Letter of Rev. Oakes Shaw our pastor from 1760 to 1807 to Mrs. Susanna Vanguard. She married him and lived in “Old Parsonage.”” The letter is dated April 3, 1774. it reads, in part,

            Mrs. Susa,

What shall I write about?  I can hear of no great matter of news worth the communicating to a Lady and I am so dull of invention that I know not how to make any; as to myself and family we are through divine goodness in health as I trust you are. I had the luck of foul weather to ride in the day after I left Braintree and indeed every visit since our acquaintance has been attended with a storm. I hope it will not always be so, nor do I look upon it as ominous Not as a prelude to what is bad. I trust to be well paid for it in an Agreeable Companion; each of my visits to you have been agreeable. The last was in a peculiar manner so.

People here wonder why I am so dilatory; why the Lady is not to be brought home now this Spring; though but a few have mentioned it to me.  I tell them, what does it signify to be in a hurry, slow and sure is a good maxim in many cases, and why not in this? More haste than good speed has often been detrimental; however I desire the favour that you would get ready as soon as you conveniently can, I wish it may not be beyond the middle of June; I have some thoughts of making you a visit something sooner than was mentioned. If I do, I am persuaded you will take it well, if not, that also will be well…

Mrs. Susa, it would serve to exhilarate my spirits and be a pleasure to me to have a few lines from your hand, if your modesty does not forbid it– no more at present, but that I am Sincerely yours:  Oakes Shaw

            I have to say that I find the Rev. Oakes Shaw to be a positive inspiration to all of us men who, when it comes to writing a love letter, just don’t have a clue! And yet I think Mrs. Susa would have been able to recognize the passion raging just between the lines here. That talk about the stormy weather every time he visits – it is as if the very heavens themselves try to dampen his ardor, try to cool him off after his visits with his “agreeable companion” – but as the Song of Songs reminds us, “many waters cannot quench love”!  He writes that his last visit was not only “agreeable”, but also “peculiarly so.” He pretends to be measured and patient – “What does it signifie to be in a hurry, Slow and Sure is a good maxim in many cases” – yet in the next breath he voices his desire that she be ready as soon as she can!  Instead of asking her to write back, he asks for “a few lines from her hand” – no doubt reminding her of all that hand-holding they did on his last visit!

            I believe that this letter was regarded by this congregation as “famous”, and that it was preserved and displayed, shows that our congregational forbears were onto something – onto something about the power and even the sacredness of desire, of passionate love.

            From a Christian faith perspective, love, including romantic love, is a marvelous gift. Like all gifts, it can be misused, even abused – for instance, saying that “But we were in love” is often used to justify all sorts of misconduct, including the breaking of marriage vows. But love is a gift even so. It is a central element in a good creation made by a generous and loving God. At the heart of Trinitarian theology is the belief that God is three in one – that God is not unitary, that the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit are one in the Godhead, each retaining their own distinctiveness, but all bonded together in a relationship of love. So it can be with two persons in love: two persons who give themselves to each other in love do not lose themselves, but find themselves growing with the other into the fullness of their existence. So we might hear two people in love say, “When we are together, I feel like this is what I was created for, that together we are more than when we are apart.”

And yet the love that is shared by two is not just for their mutual enjoyment – its effects ripple outward into the world.  Just as the love within God – the love that is God – draws us towards God, so too the love of two people draws others by its example. You know what I am talking about here – we want to be around people that are truly in love, whether they are two people head over heels for each other in a new romance or a couple that just celebrated fifty years of marriage together, and who still find that their love grows and changes.

            The Song of Songs celebrates this capacity we have for longing and desire, it holds up the embodied love that cherishes the fleshiness of our existence. Each lover in the Song, man and woman alike, delight in the body of the other; each lover extends equally passionate invitations to lovemaking; together, they embody a love that is reciprocal and unspoiled, two in one flesh, one in heart and soul and united in self-giving, partners in a divine dance to which God invites all humanity. Their love is not one of dominance and submission, but of equality and respect; not of lust for objects, but love for another. The Song celebrates creation and the human condition, presenting us with an ideal of love without shame, without exploitation, without selfishness – a mutual love reflecting the love of God for us.

            For God does love us. God loves you. It is a gift, it is nothing you merit or deserve. It is sheer grace. “You are the beloved”, God says to each and every one of you. “You did not choose me, but I chose you,” says Jesus in the Gospel according to John.

            This is the good news for us today, and the law of descending grace: that God, no less than Oakes Shaw, is a fool for love. And it is God’s undoing: out of a passionate, yearning desire for us, our powerful and distant God comes wandering into the our garden in search of his beloved, becoming incarnate in Jesus, taking on this flesh of ours, and loving us towards wholeness. 

            Truly, for God and those God loves – each and all of us – Valentine’s Day comes not once a year; no, for God and those God passionately desires, every day is Valentine’s Day.