Refrigerator Art Musings

            I was over at the house of some friends, and since they have young children, they also have an art gallery in their home – pasted all over their refrigerator door. But they also have this sticker pasted on the door, about three inches wide by ten inches or so long. It is titled “101 Ways to Praise Kids”. And it lists 101 ways in which a parent might praise their child: “Your super!” “Great job!” “You’re a big help!” “I can’t get over it!” “Unbelievable work!” “You’re a real trooper!” “You should be so proud of yourself!” You get the idea. The purpose of the sticker, and the reason these friends put it on the refrigerator, is to remind these young parents of the importance of praising their children.

            Praising our kids is important – it helps build self-esteem, it reinforces good behavior. But I was also thinking about the way in which we are changed through the act of offering praise. I think any parent who has tried to change their pattern of discipline with a child knows what I am talking about here; I think anyone who has coached a team will resonate with this; I think anyone who enjoys praising is on the same page with me here. When we offer praise, when we consciously make the effort to concentrate on affirming the goodness we see in another, something changes within us, some part of us that we might not even have acknowledged as being hungry before, is suddenly fed. We realize that it is not enough simply to observe that which is worthy of praise – we must offer the praise itself if we are to fully enjoy the experience.

                Theologian and author C.S. Lewis put it this way:

I think we delight to praise what we enjoy because the praise not merely expresses but completes the enjoyment; it is its appointed consummation. It is not out of compliment that lovers keep on telling one another how beautiful they are; the delight is incomplete till it is expressed. It is frustrating to have discovered a new author and not be able to tell anyone how good he is; to come suddenly, at the turn of the road, upon some mountain valley of unexpected grandeur and then to have to keep silent because the people with you care for it no more than for a tin can in the ditch; to hear a good joke and find no one to share it with…” (C.S. Lewis, Readings for Meditation and Reflection, ed. W. Hooper, 1992, p.43).

            You probably know from your own experience about our need for praise, for sharing the awe that unexpectedly graces us. A friend told me about her walk on the beach and how suddenly, there, playing in the white caps just past the surf line, was a seal. Enraptured by this unlooked for gift, and seeing in the distance a fellow beach–comber, she felt compelled to jump up and down and wave to get their attention, to point out the seal, to share the wonder.  And I would guess many of us will watch the Super Bowl together, that we might share in the joy of an Aaron Rodger’s touchdown, or game-winning field goal. Truly praise does more than simply express our enjoyment – somehow, praise completes it.

            Perhaps a reason many of us come together on Sunday mornings, to offer praise.