On Holding On and Yet Letting Go

“Try to strike that delicate balance

between a yesterday that should

be remembered

and a tomorrow that must be created…

As children of today and tomorrow,

we also children of yesterday.

The past still travels with us

and what is has been makes us

who we are.” Earl Grollman, Living When A Loved One Has Died

            What a delicate balance it is, between remembering what is important and vital and life-giving, and at the same time being open to the new possibilities for living that await us just around the next corner….

            No one gets through this life untouched by loss. Grieving and sorrow are part and parcel of the human condition. If we are fortunate, our first experience of loss is that of a beloved childhood pet, but even if so, the losses come fast and furious thereafter – grandparents, parents, too often siblings, children who never see the light of day, a spouse, and on and on.  And then there are those other losses as well – broken relationships, employment, abilities that fade with advancing age.

            Grief work can be so hard.  It will have its way with us, often hitting with waves of overpowering emotion that come on their own timetable, that can be triggered by a memory, or an experience, or by nothing discernable.  We feel so out of control, and wonder if we are “normal”, or if it will ever get any easier, or if it will ever go away. “Closure” is an illusion, at least when the loss is deep, and yet when we lose someone we love so much, would we really want it any other way – would we really want to forget, to live as if the one we grieve had never been?  In a fast-food, instant gratification world,  grief refuses to progress on our timetable, and really does not “progress” in any sense of moving in an orderly, scheduled manner. 

            This is no single answer, but there is hope, and that hope is all tied up in taking what we need from the past, and letting go of what we need to, and trusting that in the grieving we are building a bridge to the future.